I normally try to avoid Wal-Mart unless it is before 9:00am. This weekend however I had to make an afternoon trip to the dreaded store. My husband & I were planning on doing some canning & needed more supplies, so I was a good wife & volunteered to go - Big Mistake!
Since I don't have any kids, I had totally forgotten that it is back to school season! Kids were running around everywhere. It seemed like there were 10 kids for every adult in the store! Half of the time there was a kid that seemed to be unattended. People, Wal-Mart is NOT a daycare center! It is a place of business. Kids were crying "mommy I want this, mommy I want that"! Dejected parents everywhere replied, okay sonny, I will let you have the high sugar no good for you candy, but only if you behave".
I also find it hard to believe that it is "good parenting" to allow your adorable child to scream & throw a tantrum in the middle of the store, while you are standing 10 feet away saying okay little "Billy" come to mommy (wait 10 seconds & repeat). If I decided that I really wanted some Nutterbutters, but Wal-Mart was all out of them & threw a fit, none of you would be understanding of my predicament, & let me tell you why: You would expect that as a 29 year old at some point in my life my mommy would have taken me out back & gave me a good spanking (back in the “good ole days”), then when Dad got home he would have had a talking to with me until I was so sorry for my actions that with tears streaming down my face I had promised never ever to behave like that in public again. I have kept that promise to my father ever since! The point is, you have to make your child understand consequences to their actions at some point in their life, tantrums are the perfect time to start!
Now, I don't proclaim to be an expert on any subject (mainly due to the fact that once I have proven my valid point, my husband will retort with a wittier one, or at least a louder one), however, I do have a few tips from an innocent bystander point of view. First off, you may think that you are doing your child a favor by packing their lunch for them so they don't have to eat the icky school food, but let me tell you that Lunchables are NOT a sufficient substitute for their growing bodies! Do you have any idea not only how much crap is in those prepackaged "meals", or for that matter, how much fat is in them!? Hello, there is a reason why childhood obesity has become a national security issue! Have you considered actually taking the time to make the lunch yourself? I know this is a difficult concept to the instant gratification generations that we are becoming, but you can purchase a whole chicken & slow roast it on a Saturday, or Sunday to make sandwiches with. I have a great brine recipe (thanks to my mommy) that even my husband has said is some of the best chicken he has ever had. At least include some fresh fruit, vegetables, or yogurt in their bags. I know, I know, you are thinking, if only this blogger had a clue as to how little time there is in a day when you have children. My reply to you is, have you considered how counterproductive it is to cart your kids around to their soccer, football, basketball, swimming, or even jump roping practices if you can't be bothered to provide them with wholesome nourishment for their growing bodies, & developing brains? So please people, if you can't give your children a worthy lunch, you might as well feed them on McDonald's every meal. Help me in getting Lunchables off the shelves!
At least now that school is back in session I wont have to hear the annoying chimes of the ice cream truck. I will be grateful for this until I am running late to an early meeting at work & have to stop for a school bus waiting for a child to come running out of their house. It is a good thing these kids don’t have my bus driver who would only slow down if we weren’t standing by the drive way, then assume that since we knew the bus would be there every day at 7:05am, & we weren’t waiting there for her, that we must not be going to school that day. Oh the good old days…
Until next time, please do remember to slow down in school zones (no more than 10 miles over the speed limit ), & you must stop for school busses when they are picking up or dropping off children (even if this means you start off your day cursing silently to yourself in your car). Children are our future afterall!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Traveling Home
Since the point of this blog is to show that there is more to life than having kids, this entry is about my trip home to Iowa last week.
I left the house very early Friday morning & arrived at the airport to start boarding the plane. When I got to the row my seat was in, my seatmate was the worst possible person to have to sit next to...an old fat man! I mean one step lower is a beautiful skinny woman in high heels (why do people wear high heels when they are flying?). All she would have done is reminded me the whole flight how plain Jane I am. The best flying seatmate is the skinny cowboy! They always let you have the middle arm rest, they don't take up too much room, and they say things like yes ma'am with their southern drawl. No polite skinny cowboy for me! Even my connecting flight had another old fat man that took up too much room! I'm thinking "I left my husband in bed for this?!
When I finally made it to my parents house, I saw the full extent of my Dad's Old MacDonald's Farm. 100 Roosters (they were cheaper than chickens after all!), several ducks, around 75 chickens, 6 cows, 100 fish. Now you might be thinking, fish, don't they belong in water, and isn't it well known that the Erb's do not have a pond/lake/any type of body of water on their property?! Yes, you are correct! So my father decided to buy a swimming pool to put these 100 fish in it. The problem was that fish make a lot of waste & you can't treat fish water with the same chemicals that you would a regular swimming pool. So, Dad had to buy a second fish pool to use while cleaning the other pool! He also felt bad that the ducks didn't have a pond to swim in, so he got them a kiddie pool to play in. Since the roosters liked to fly over their fence so he decided to make it easier for them & built them a ladder to climb up & over the the fence. This may all seem pretty crazy to outsiders, & you are right! But it keeps them entertained.
Saturday we visited my Grandmothers who live near by. We made the must stop at the Kalona Cheese Factory to get the best cheese curds in the world! I got up to the counter & was browsing the different cheeses when I noticed a $20 bill in the case. I picked it up & asked around to see who it belonged to. It wasn't the little old lady to my left, or the large hairy man to my right. I turned it in to the clerk behind the counter & declared "I am not going to Church tomorrow, so I can't steal today." The man next to me started shaking with laughter.
Now, some of you may think that based on my previous posts, that I don't like kids. This is not true! I don't like annoying kids & the mothers that allow them to be annoying! The opposite of this is my cousin Angie who had a baby in January. This weekend I was able to meet her baby for the first time. This baby may possibly be one of the cutest children ever! She has these fat wittle cheeks that I found myself overly squeezing (and for some reason I could only call them wittle & not the proper word, little)! She has the cutest smile. You can already tell that she has a great personality. She was a very relaxed child, even when she wasn't feeling very good. I have never seen a crying baby that was smiling & still wanting to bounce up & down!
My maternal grandmother had recently been moved into a nursing home. I went to visit her. She had been living by herself since the early 1980's. So this was a big move for her & her independence. I was happy to encourage her. I personally can't wait to move into a nursing home (retirement community for my mother-in-law)! It is like my grandma has become a Queen with servants! She has a good attitude, but it is still hard for her. At one point during our visit, the nurse came in to discuss getting more depends for her. My grandma was a bit embarrassed & said to us that when she was our age she never thought she would have to wear depends. I told her not to worry about it! I wear pads everyday because sometimes when I sneeze or laugh, I pee a little! And I haven't even had any children! That made her feel better.
One of the last events in Iowa was going to the Mill to hear my brother & his band perform. They weren't going on stage until 10:30pm. Now this is where my old age really shows. I used to not go out until 10 or 10:30. This time I had to take a long nap that afternoon just to be able to be awake at that hour! On the way there, all I could think was how ready for bed I was. Once they took the stage, it was so worth the loss of sleep! I was so proud of my little baby brother! He was funny, the songs he wrote were really good, and he is an amazing musician! I guess it didn't hurt that the performer that went before him was so bad that the audience was actually laughing! As an added bonus my cousin Nevin came to the bar since he heard that we were in town. He is one of the funniest people I know, & provided great entertainment before my brother got on stage! That night was a lot of fun with my family! But it was nice to finally get into bed.
Oh am I getting old, but better every year!
I left the house very early Friday morning & arrived at the airport to start boarding the plane. When I got to the row my seat was in, my seatmate was the worst possible person to have to sit next to...an old fat man! I mean one step lower is a beautiful skinny woman in high heels (why do people wear high heels when they are flying?). All she would have done is reminded me the whole flight how plain Jane I am. The best flying seatmate is the skinny cowboy! They always let you have the middle arm rest, they don't take up too much room, and they say things like yes ma'am with their southern drawl. No polite skinny cowboy for me! Even my connecting flight had another old fat man that took up too much room! I'm thinking "I left my husband in bed for this?!
When I finally made it to my parents house, I saw the full extent of my Dad's Old MacDonald's Farm. 100 Roosters (they were cheaper than chickens after all!), several ducks, around 75 chickens, 6 cows, 100 fish. Now you might be thinking, fish, don't they belong in water, and isn't it well known that the Erb's do not have a pond/lake/any type of body of water on their property?! Yes, you are correct! So my father decided to buy a swimming pool to put these 100 fish in it. The problem was that fish make a lot of waste & you can't treat fish water with the same chemicals that you would a regular swimming pool. So, Dad had to buy a second fish pool to use while cleaning the other pool! He also felt bad that the ducks didn't have a pond to swim in, so he got them a kiddie pool to play in. Since the roosters liked to fly over their fence so he decided to make it easier for them & built them a ladder to climb up & over the the fence. This may all seem pretty crazy to outsiders, & you are right! But it keeps them entertained.
Saturday we visited my Grandmothers who live near by. We made the must stop at the Kalona Cheese Factory to get the best cheese curds in the world! I got up to the counter & was browsing the different cheeses when I noticed a $20 bill in the case. I picked it up & asked around to see who it belonged to. It wasn't the little old lady to my left, or the large hairy man to my right. I turned it in to the clerk behind the counter & declared "I am not going to Church tomorrow, so I can't steal today." The man next to me started shaking with laughter.
Now, some of you may think that based on my previous posts, that I don't like kids. This is not true! I don't like annoying kids & the mothers that allow them to be annoying! The opposite of this is my cousin Angie who had a baby in January. This weekend I was able to meet her baby for the first time. This baby may possibly be one of the cutest children ever! She has these fat wittle cheeks that I found myself overly squeezing (and for some reason I could only call them wittle & not the proper word, little)! She has the cutest smile. You can already tell that she has a great personality. She was a very relaxed child, even when she wasn't feeling very good. I have never seen a crying baby that was smiling & still wanting to bounce up & down!
My maternal grandmother had recently been moved into a nursing home. I went to visit her. She had been living by herself since the early 1980's. So this was a big move for her & her independence. I was happy to encourage her. I personally can't wait to move into a nursing home (retirement community for my mother-in-law)! It is like my grandma has become a Queen with servants! She has a good attitude, but it is still hard for her. At one point during our visit, the nurse came in to discuss getting more depends for her. My grandma was a bit embarrassed & said to us that when she was our age she never thought she would have to wear depends. I told her not to worry about it! I wear pads everyday because sometimes when I sneeze or laugh, I pee a little! And I haven't even had any children! That made her feel better.
One of the last events in Iowa was going to the Mill to hear my brother & his band perform. They weren't going on stage until 10:30pm. Now this is where my old age really shows. I used to not go out until 10 or 10:30. This time I had to take a long nap that afternoon just to be able to be awake at that hour! On the way there, all I could think was how ready for bed I was. Once they took the stage, it was so worth the loss of sleep! I was so proud of my little baby brother! He was funny, the songs he wrote were really good, and he is an amazing musician! I guess it didn't hurt that the performer that went before him was so bad that the audience was actually laughing! As an added bonus my cousin Nevin came to the bar since he heard that we were in town. He is one of the funniest people I know, & provided great entertainment before my brother got on stage! That night was a lot of fun with my family! But it was nice to finally get into bed.
Oh am I getting old, but better every year!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Confession #2
This past weekend I went to the lovely city of Charlottesville, VA. I have some observations/recommendations for you mothers out there that cannot live with out your gigantic SUV Sized strollers. The next time you take these monstrosities out in public, please note that there are other people that you may come into contact with & that they have equal right to the sidewalk as you & your HUGE stroller that holds your tiny child! Next time just make a little note to self: If someone is walking in the farmer's market & you are about to leave the vendor you have just visited, maybe you should take a gander at the passersby before you fling your child carrier into the throng of people to make sure you don't run over someone's feet! Or turn on your blinker & signal before turning into on-coming pedestrians. Don't just abruptly stop in the middle of the VERY crowded aisle to adjust something. You wouldn't do this with your actual SUV, so don't do it with your BABY CARRIER! If you can manage to do that, then I say Thank You from the rest of society that doesn't happen to be part of the soccer mom society.
Now I do have a pleasant observation from this weekend. It was very nice to see parents stop when they came across the live music that was at the downtown mall & take their children out of the strollers to let them dance to the beat (well the beat in that kids head at least) & get some energy out. That is all part of the atmosphere & charm of the mall in Charlottesville.
If only the mother of the kid in my next story had done that! My last stop in Charlottesville was Chandler's Bakery. I had heard how good the cakes were from my sister-in-law, Carlita, so it was a must stop. The goodies did not disappoint! I did almost leave midway through my order due to one little kid. How annoying can a kid be? Oh I don't know. Imagine this scenario: there is a little kid (about 3-4) in the bakery saying over & over in as whiny of a voice as a kid (that isn't yours) can have: "Mommy, I want the dinosaur cookie, I want the dinosaur cookie, I want the dinosaur cookie, ..." I was about to say, kid you if you don't shut up, I will buy all of the cookies, dinosaur or not & then you wont get any at all! Sure this makes me sound like the shrew wife of Scrooge on Christmas eve to little Timmy, but Lady get a hold of your kid, or at the very least acknowledge that your child needs some type of attention. How hard is it to take 5 seconds to day "yes Timmy, you will get the cookie, but you have to behave or there will be consequences, like this lovely lady over here may decide to buy all of the cookies. Mommies, take the curtsey to the rest of the patrons in which ever shop you are in to let your child know that you hear them & acknowledge their needs & wants, thus letting EVERYONE ELSE know that you have enough respect for them not to reduce their day to memories of your child's retched screams. If you can manage to do this common curtsey, the rest of mankind will forever be thankful to you, in addition to having the most difficult & important job on earth & blah blah blah.
Until next time...
Now I do have a pleasant observation from this weekend. It was very nice to see parents stop when they came across the live music that was at the downtown mall & take their children out of the strollers to let them dance to the beat (well the beat in that kids head at least) & get some energy out. That is all part of the atmosphere & charm of the mall in Charlottesville.
If only the mother of the kid in my next story had done that! My last stop in Charlottesville was Chandler's Bakery. I had heard how good the cakes were from my sister-in-law, Carlita, so it was a must stop. The goodies did not disappoint! I did almost leave midway through my order due to one little kid. How annoying can a kid be? Oh I don't know. Imagine this scenario: there is a little kid (about 3-4) in the bakery saying over & over in as whiny of a voice as a kid (that isn't yours) can have: "Mommy, I want the dinosaur cookie, I want the dinosaur cookie, I want the dinosaur cookie, ..." I was about to say, kid you if you don't shut up, I will buy all of the cookies, dinosaur or not & then you wont get any at all! Sure this makes me sound like the shrew wife of Scrooge on Christmas eve to little Timmy, but Lady get a hold of your kid, or at the very least acknowledge that your child needs some type of attention. How hard is it to take 5 seconds to day "yes Timmy, you will get the cookie, but you have to behave or there will be consequences, like this lovely lady over here may decide to buy all of the cookies. Mommies, take the curtsey to the rest of the patrons in which ever shop you are in to let your child know that you hear them & acknowledge their needs & wants, thus letting EVERYONE ELSE know that you have enough respect for them not to reduce their day to memories of your child's retched screams. If you can manage to do this common curtsey, the rest of mankind will forever be thankful to you, in addition to having the most difficult & important job on earth & blah blah blah.
Until next time...
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